the critique went really well - it was really intense, and brought up a lot of emotions for me.
the next day i was destroyed, and wound up binge eating and not leaving my couch.
As I have begun to pick myself up this week, and after talking with / to Hayley this afternoon, I see things I am attracted to in Meaning Cleaning itself. It's personally interesting for me to put myself in the public, to bring "private" work outside. I really like the interaction, or lack thereof, with passersby.
The action of public cleaning can bring to light damaged systems that allow so much to fall into such disrepair.
The action of public cleaning can also be a mirror to show possibilities of what another structure can look like.
The action of public cleaning can be both reflective and highlighting - just like the back paintings, just like the hand held mirrors.
To provide a space of real communication seems to be interesting both of us - when we retold the group stories that were told to us, we both thought "that's it!" or at least part of it.
Then the act of hidden microphones and recording others' stops being weird and becomes unnecessary.
It's our voices that retell the stories, placing us in the center of our own work.
It's the choice of location, the choice of attire, the choice of practice...
The action of public cleaning also brings out a rage from within me I am afraid to let it out.
I see the macrocosm of how poorly we treat ourselves as human beings, that I often wonder what the point is of what we are doing. But then I hear the most poignant and tragic story by someone who gets completely what we are doing, and understands everything in the three minutes she is with us. Then she's gone and I think our work has made a difference.
It's important I know to distill what it is one is truly interested in.
I have to admit, I wanted the quick fix, the easy solution.
I wanted the group to tell me what to do.
I was tired of making decisions.
But after a few days, I feel like I am able to see more clearly what it is I'm interested in.
Poor Hayley had to listen to me have a complete breakdown/temper tantrum at the cafe today.
She is a very patient person