Friday, August 9, 2013

Monday, August 5, 2013

re viewing (the sticky but loose leafed) notes from JFC

I think she became very light in the end and I think she didn't have anything physical to attach to anymore. I think it seemed so much better for her to go, float away than to stay in her reality, limited to her mind. (Tibetan Book of Living and Dying is helpful to read right now.)

Also, as we talked about time collapsing and the ever present, I found my scattered notes from JFC and they are so very pertinent to what is happening. (I was dealing with the death of my grandfather with whom I sat through his process of dying a year and a half ago.) All thoughts on the following pages are so relevant and applicable, I had to sort through them and post them for my own clarification.

Let's talk soon,

 existing without sticking, suspending
 My grandmother forever wrapped (wraps) her knees for the pain, 
blaming grandfather (not any more)
Grandmother made the whip
I didn't find the ends
Allow for the gap.

 in the cup
(the cup exercise: focusing on an object, seeing its infinite manifestations)

                      polishing the floor, with cup in mind                               rear: process

 not holding on, not fixing in place, flowing
sound of feet slipping and sliding on studio floor

(word exercise; I chose maybe. Focus on the word, see its infinite manifestations)
Ali energy, present and not yet material.
Allowing 'mistakes' to be, exist in 
the space outside
allowing that space where the gap can happen
May be masculine and feminine
May be communist and democrat and...
May be old and young
May be an other
maybe cup is grandpa
maybe there is no birth and death
maybe clean and dirty
clean is a condition of dirty
maybe solid and liquid
what else?

Alenka drawing gecko on rear of the previous sheet.

change expression to +
infinite impressions remain
a journey through personal history
two sides of me (of joy)
(layered on top of) two side of me (my brain) that didn't get along
between feminine and masculine
 change expression to +
(here I think of ANi's smile in all photos, how such a positively expressive soul, can hold such darkness and sadness.)

murky (unsettled)
-clay at bottom of cup in water
added water reshuffles particles

drawing and cleaning
no difference.

 may be possible
melting the cup
grandmother's china lost (buried) and substitutes for a pebbled road

 Grandma's beads                                                                          who is cup?
organized by the cup                                                                       what am I?
clusters of beads organized by relative size of the cup                      who thought up cup?
grandma's china                                                                             (Grandma liked [s] little cups)
      soiled (painted) cups                                                               cultural, social implications
     (painted with clay)                                                                   CZ ceremony around drinking from a cup
                                                                                                    always with a saucer
                                                                                                    status with a cup

                                                                                                    flipping cup and saucer
                                                                                                    on his head

 playing cup
bodily interaction with cup                                 
stacked cup spine (reminds me of Haley M. painting in 4B)
me moving around the cup                                                       -moving with the cup/puc
      colors of the cup                                                                       sitting still with

clay- dropping cup into clay, seeing the impressions                    fading    impressions of a cup in clay
      suspended in water/sprinkle with water                                                    side to side
                                                                                                                      top and bottom
sound of the movement
      -sound of beads dropping and rolling in the cup
      -sound of cup running along a guitar string

Grandpa remains
(notes from his death bed)

video water spilling over cup, carrying his remains (impression remains) 
(reverse of the known)
drinking remains
cleaning the studio 
with the shape 
of the cup
cleaning tools 2
cleaning tools 1
(painting with clay and leftovers

(Artists workshop: Hands-on sacred geometry and theory for a visual artist)
-architecture (sivine geometry durrounds
-geometry around the heads of people
-painting with the ground
(and whatever sticks)
infinite impressions
top/bottom handle                                                                                                       the handle
(imprints in combination with grandma's cloths- [crochet])

the most I could do is sit there and hold his hand

sitting with death, sitting with communism
memories?      on        (communism)

mixing my play with grandparent's objects
and watching and listening for other things to come in

-sitting death- with/communism
do memories create one?
how do the memories function in the present
-hold something from the past is to hold them?

                                                           buried branch? in grandma box