It's also interesting how incredibly well painted the images are on the egg; I'm wondering if a more protected way of displaying them could be considered. Could they suspend from the wall? Could they hang en masse in front of people's faces? I'm thinking of Cornelia Parker or Ann Hamilton...How could 1,000 eggs impact a space, arranged to confront but also fortify the concept you work with?
Another thing that comes to mind is one's own fragility. As of late I have felt incredibly worthless and devalued. I've been confronting the topic of self-worth with many friends whom I feel have taken advantage of me and have taken my friendship for granted. For so long, the idea of helping my friends has been second nature; but now it seems that pendulum of receiving help comes back to me empty...many fewer friends extending themselves for me.
I am often curious that so many people believe my exterior, defensive shell as being real. As truth to who I am. Don't they know it's just a defense mechanism? I need a lot of help and rarely get it en masse. Do my friends and colleagues just see me as having a great marriage, building my own house, and eating bon-bons all day? As summer approaches, I feel alienated.
As though my face needs to be on an egg! Or maybe there's so much egg on my face I can't see how my own actions have created the situations I'm in with certain people in my life.
I went upstate this weekend with Turu and raked leaves in my friend's backyard. We became friends last year and have similar issues regarding family and real estate, responsibility, and asking people for help. The raking became our rural Meaning Cleaning. It was such a pleasure to be in nature again. I feel I need more time away from New York.
I consider myself quite a happy person who unfortunately gets too easily gets affected by my environment. Am I really such a tough cookie that I scare everyone away?
1 comment:
What a reflective post Angela.
I have also been thinking about self-worth lately, and have a few thoughts stirred up from your post.
Many people around me are having children these days... and I am spending some portion of energy considering whether or not this is something I want in my own life. Reading "Autobiography of a Yogi," I read a passage that reflected some thoughts I had been having - the jist of which was that those people who choose NOT to follow the traditional path of serving their families and children have a special responsibility to serve the family of their community in some meaningful way.
Self-worth, I think, boils down to personal responsibility. I generally look toward external sources for validation of my worth, but I am beginning to shift toward a perspective of self-worth that originates within me.
And, in regard to help from friends... a few thoughts. Does it seem like it could be a situation of familiar/unfamiliar roles in your relationships with friends? Do you assume a role of helping, and they of being helped - in a way that would make them shy or cautious of offering help? I ask these questions out of my own personal experiences of tough-cookie-ness.
Does it feel like your responsibility to present yourself as you actually are (needing help)? Or like their responsibility as friends to offer help? Do they have a way of knowing that it would be appreciated or useful to offer help?
By the way, you look beautiful!
:)
Much love,
Amey
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