anniversaries

building from the back

building from the front

My five year wedding anniversary was yesterday. It's too bad my husband and I were both too sick to enjoy it. Wah.

We did blow out candles on red velvet cupcakes and sang "happy anniversary to us". That was a nice moment.

It's hard not to think of all the things we were hoping to have accomplished by now: we wanted to have our anniversary party/housewarming at our new home. For the past two years we've had really nice anniversary parties (in lieu of actually having a wedding ceremony and party), and we were looking forward to sharing this special anniversary and housewarming with our family and friends. Secretly, I was also looking forward to planning a really fun event.

As is the case with almost all construction jobs, ours is hopelessly delayed. We're still sleeping on the proverbial couch, house-sitting next week and moving into our sublet in the new year. It frustrates me that we even had to find a sublet at all. I've started writing emails to myself NOT sent to our builder about all the things I'd like to see change on site. I am ready for this not to be so much a part of my life.

On the other hand, I have to thank the stars for everything I DO have now, based on all the hard work we've done to ensure as great and healthy a building as possible. It's also hard not to sound like a spoiled brat, but until I find the right support group of women-who-work-with-their-husbands-building-new-construction-projects-for-the-first-time, this blog will have to do.

Tereza I miss writing to you, with you. Where have you gone?

It's been almost one year since i started writing my journals online. Another anniversary.
At this time last year I was getting ready to go to South Africa, and unbeknownst to me at the time, confront my deepest pains from my past. It's hard not to get emotional about that milestone. To admit to others, and begin to work with, sexual assault and public/pubic humiliation at 12, and then date rape at 19 was indescribably transformative. If I wasn't going to confront my past in a place like South Africa, where on Earth was I going to confront it?

Capetown townsip

Although the building project has been a formative project this year, working more consistently in studio on my artwork has become more regular in my days. I'm thankful for that. I'm proud that I made that choice to not withdraw but to work towards a new understanding of my life without so much fear.