Monday, May 19, 2014

It's time to begin again

Dearest Tereza,
Thank you for the invitation - I gladly accept to participate in the virtual residency.
I am sorry I have been away for seemingly so long.
I've felt shy.
I haven't felt like I've had much to offer, other than being a bit of voyeur.

I've felt tongue-tied, image-tied, and mentally paralyzed.
What I think, I can't say
What I say, I don't really mean
What I think I want to make, doesn't appear
I don't recognize what I'm doing.
There are infinite options, which tend to leave me with nowhere to go.
Or so I think.

The simple task of starting does, at times, overwhelm me.
I can help others sorting our their problemi, but have a lot of trouble asking for help with mine.
I'll ask you here, after I post some images of recent work.

I'm getting stage-fright. I have an upcoming show at a (local) University. It's not a big deal in the general sense, but it's a big deal for me. I feel supported by family, also in the general sense, but still feel like I'm being indulgent by working on the piece during "work hours" (day time). The partner and I have taken on too much domestic stuff, and we're finishing up a year-long renovation -which we tackled with a budget that no one could work with, and pulled out a miracle. He gets mad when things don't "finish" or "wrap up" in a timely way. I agree, but feel so scattered when I'm forced into a process that heralds product over process. It becomes overwhelming. I don't feel like I can ask for time. I feel selfish. I'm working on a piece that addresses that. That's another story. I want to contribute to a more peaceful co-existence.

Your residency seems like such a lovely invitation.
Thank you for that -

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