It is through the words and kindness of friends that makes this situation bearable.
These words: this record helps me process. The blessing is to have my words reach a reader; my situation gets heard. That is the gift and I think helps me heal.
It is also incredibly humbling to suddenly lose control and flow with whatever comes.
I have now gone to the emergency room four times, had my blood drawn more than I can count, am going through chemotherapy (the medication is basically chemo where it fights any cells the body is currently making, in my case the embryo) but whether the tube bursts, or I have surgery, or the meds work just fine and the cells disintegrate, I am incredibly lucky. I would not be alive without medical technology.
I think this is the lesson.
I know I need to find a meditation teacher. My thoughts affect: I feared an ectopic pregnancy a month before, absolutely strange. I need to learn how to move thought and fears; be with whatever comes.
Please let me know of your transition to NYC, I feel similarly being back in our house as if it is an unfamiliar surrounding.
No comments:
Post a Comment