clean clean sanitize
mop fold iron
fold pay attention get it right
dust pay attention to myself but don't be too selfish
pay attention monitor scrutinize swarm
sweep encourage uplift
monitor mend careful of the cracks
encourage wash check up on
scrub put away even out
vacuum wash don't get too impatient
wash fold apply
referee dance make art
put away respond take calls
fold watch supervise
respond collaborate nourish
pay write play
mop pay scrape
sanitize offer food take out trash
manage support lifeline
support uplift constant attention
uplift be uplifted accept
problem solve problem solve problem solve
mince brush take out the knots
inspire cut slim down
brush cook stir
cook inspire/be inspired wring chop
wash water fix washer
clip listen work
chop rinse work
maintain pick bundle
rinse rip

correction, separation

on any single day

clean clean
mop fold
fold pay attention
dust pay attention to myself
pay attention monitor
sweep encourage
monitor mend
encourage wash
scrub put away
vacuum wash
wash fold
referee dance
put away respond
fold watch
respond collaborate
pay write
mop pay
sanitize offer food
manage support
support uplift
uplift be uplifted
problem solve problem solve
mince brush
inspire cut
brush cook
cook inspire/be inspired wring chop
wash water
clip listen
chop rinse
maintain pick
rinse rip

on any single day

clean
mop
fold
dust
pay attention
sweep
monitor
encourage
scrub
vacuum
wash
referee
put away
fold
respond
pay
mop
sanitize
manage
support
uplift
problem solve
mince
inspire
brush
cook
wring
wash
clip
chop
maintain
rinse

A possible response

It may be good for you to keep this question open ended and not think so much about materials but more the root of your question about connection.

And think about art history and what has connected it through time.
What marks keep showing up again and again?
What is in that ether that is our binding force?

Maybe think about psychological connections as well as physical and spiritual ones too...
That may help generate more lateral ideas about visual form you may be interested in exploring.

I see a mind map in your future, and story boards!!

Forza Tereza
Via via!

Dear Coworkers II

Questions to you all:

What is it that connect us?

on a spiritual level? dreams? energy? sound? color? the nontangible?
on an intellectual level? language? feeling? philosophies? experiences? stories (hers and his)?
on a physical level? blood? water? air? molecules?

I am trying to understand and represent this space where we meet/connect. I would like the viewer to understand the connection through the representation. All thoughts are appreciated and welcomed.

An earlier symbol was the umbillical cord. My current materials are letters, photos of myself taken by others, video, audio, jars with liquids, contact paper and drawing paper- hope to get my hands on clay.

mail, a letter for Jessica

Inspiration

Oh the blank, clean space! Clear surface for work!

I'm rearranging our house- but very,very slowly it seems (when I start one shelf, the work moves to the adjacent closet and so on.)

But I have started painting the walls in our garage for two painting studios (I want to keep oils and the toxins outside for more ventilation.) In addition I am hoping to recruit some women to share it with me and explore painting together! (Work in progress)

A lot of the texture from the beaten wall is left visible- I'm thinking of working directly on it's surface as already things were coming up...

Discovered a tic,tac,toe game by previous hand!

Salt of the Earth/ Salt on the Wound

Piece in progress.
I'm intervening on the book The Scarlet Letter and casting resin on salt on the torn out pages.
Salt as corrosive and preservative material
Scarlet Letter as corrosive and preservative in much the same way.

New studio

I should note the new studio is in my new home.
It's been a while since I've had the discipline and state of mind to work at home but after the completion of the building project I feel I'm ready to begin again.
It's hard to sort out the millions of self effacing thoughts while beginning my studio practice again.
Just to begin is the point.

Today I think I'll embroider and/or cast some more Scarlet Letter pages in resin and salt.
It's Labor Day weekend and I'm supposed to be upstate, but illness and general body tiredness has kept me in the city.
Sigh, one more weekend playing house.

I just called the Compleat Sculptor to inquire about mold making classes in September - would like to bring another stunted idea into 3-dimensions at some point soon.
Have to call the glass blower as well...

New studio move in

Finally getting around to posting on this site. Tereza I've been inspired by what you have posted recently.
Today is the first day of actual physical space in the studio.
Everything is in the basement except the things I'm working on each day.
I'm not going to be cluttered as I used to be...no space for new ideas to come in with clutter all over the place!

The Meaning Cleaning has been progressive and not documented per se.
But I'm trying...

Turu and I bought 2 sheets of ply-boo (recycled bamboo plywood from a local source) to create our desks and shelves.
A rare shot of nothing on either:




My trusty hoover. I love vacuuming...


Beginning to place things in and around my desk. Inspiration, works in progress, etc.

David Byrne's building organ

I was lucky to witness the last day of David Byrne's organ he constructed out of the Maritime Building at South Street.

















It was incredible to see something so creative come out of a building. It gave me hope to see beyond my own parameters.

David Byrn

What combination are we?

I'm thinking of planting a garden of the each relationship that I am part of- what are we? Circle in red.

meaning- art, life (no separation)

(The questions come from a Studio Project Study Plan I passed in for my first semester at Vermont College)

1. Describe your project and goals for this project, and how you have addressed issues
raised by your Guidance Committee in reviews and critiques.

I am collaborating with artists, teachers, students, dancers, mothers, home builders, my child, and husband as well as strangers on various pieces in varied media in order to blur our personal boundaries. A thought was raised in one review, if for me, an artist is a painter, and to a degree painting is the ‘highest’ form of expression. I will try to deconstruct this thought and the elitism that goes with it. The other more pertinent question raised was “what am I trying to say?” and after all the discussions my interest lies in breaking the line, the edge, so that there is a space for us to meet.

2. How would you like your work to change or "improve" during the course of this project: medium(s), technique, subject matter/imagery, content, style/form, scale and productivity.

I would like my art process to expand, from thinking of ‘art’ as a painting I do in my studio to a living daily process that incorporates various media such as pen and ink on paper, clay, photo, video, found materials, as well as paint, based on the different interaction with each individual. I will not only construct or find clean spaces that allow plenty of natural light and air in which to conduct the exchanges but also will try to generate mental space for each happening, with a meditation practice.

3. What are your long‑range goals, and how does this project relate to these goals?

A long-range goal is to incorporate art into everyday practice, not an isolated miracle. Through this project, or many little collaborative exchanges, I hope to branch out from working in the one-bedroom space I had designed for my ‘art’ practice, to working in the entire space I occupy at many moments.

4. Why and how is this particular work important to you personally, artistically and in terms of its relationship to society?

Personally, I would like to restructure, or rewire, the way I think of art, for this thought pattern has come against its limits. The same goes for my practice artistically. I have been dedicated to oil painting for some time and due to its time commitment and toxicity, I would like to learn different media to intertwine my life and art practice. In relation to society, with these collaborations I do get out of working by myself in an isolated space, to working with others in various but specific contexts which alone challenge the definition of art for myself and those directly and indirectly involved.


5. What kind, and how much work do you think you will complete by the end of the term? (Be specific and concrete as to media, subject matter, scale, quantity, etc.)

I am not sure as to the quantity as well as the medium of the collaborations. I do have a daily, a weekly and a monthly practice in place. I hope to resolve 3-5 collaborations by the end of the semester.

6. What criteria will you use to evaluate your study?

Completing 3-5 collaborations and feedback from my coworkers.

Moon in Scorpio

This says so much...
Finally some answers!

The Scorpio Moon is a mysterious Moon.

This Moon is strongly motivated by feelings while remaining most adept at hiding true emotions. It is a Moon of great willpower and good judgment, but one which never forgets a good or bad deed. The Scorpio Moon is one of the more difficult Moons, often having to face and conquer more obstacles than the other Moons. It is prone to aggressive and dominating behavior in addition to being wilful and stubborn. The Scorpio Moon possesses strong beliefs which will likely be expressed in a passionate manner.

This Moon is one of secrecy and personal independence coupled with heightened intuitive and psychic abilities. However, the Scorpio Moon can be jealous and distrustful, believing that the sharing of feelings leads to vulnerability.

In general, the personality of those whose Moon sign is in Scorpio may be one which harbors a feeling of misunderstanding by others.

Fighters by nature, those ruled by the Scorpio Moon are usually hot-tempered and stand alone in their battles. They fight with assurance and confidence. However, there is a tendency for such people to bring out in themselves the very things they are fighting against.
Persons governed by the Moon in Scorpio will be full of energy with a tendency to express themselves in a rather blunt manner. While such individuals might declare they are "okay with change," it is a somewhat different story inside and they are actually quite conservative, resisting change...particuarly any change which is forced upon them. When such people do change their minds on an idea, they fully stand behind it and help to implement the change. In reality, Scorpio is probably one of the most misunderstood of the Zodiac signs and individuals who fall under the jurisdiction of its Moon are inclined to act out of irritation or anger.

In short, these people like to get revenge. Others may perceive those ruled by the Scorpio Moon as lacking in a strong moral code, or that they drink too much, but the truth is, such individuals are truly possessed of a strong willpower and much determination.

However, there is also a massive love of pleasure and those governed by this particular Moon will be quite familiar with the subject of pleasure. There is a strong attraction to the opposite sex...and vice versa. Those governed by the Scorpio Moon share many of the characteristics of those ruled by the Moon of Capricorn. Both subjects have boundless energy, a lack of control in certain life areas and oftentimes, trouble with the opposite sex. This could cause a great deal of strife throughout life and more than one marriage is highly likely.

The Moon in Scorpio is also closely related to death and the occupation of an individual ruled in this manner might well be so related...policeman, fireman or soldier, for example. Passion and intensity will be paramount in any relationship which involves those who fall under the jursiction of the Scorpio Moon.

There is also an ability to inspire others here, for such subjects will never shirk in the face of unpleasant situations and are perfectly capable of speaking up for the underdog. Individuals of the Scorpio Moon know no fear and will refuse to be put off by the views of society when it comes to choosing friends or partners. However, there is a distinct tendency to keep many emotions "under wraps" and others may be unaware of this individual's true feelings until he or she "lets rip" at the last straw. Time alone is very important for those ruled by the Moon in Scorpio...it is necessary in order to process feelings and come to terms with some of the injustices of the world.

These are people with a strong moral conscience who, when hit by tragedy, will survive to return again...scarred, but ready to face life. The strong intuitive powers and psychic abilities of Scorpio Moon individuals enable them to see below the surface.

Weekend Scrub

It is thanks to my mother in-law

that this scrub was possible.

She allowed me the space from my child to be able to clean the entire house,

and do a polish of the toilet and sink.

I'm finding it impossible to do work without other's input.

I found I worked much faster than normally being conscious of the video length.

Reversing Rembrandt- his actual image?

Taking a portrait of myself while looking in the mirror I noticed the huge disparity between the two images. What I look like to others and what I see in the morning are actually two completely different views. I thought of the time before photographs, did people really see their accurate image using the double mirror technique?

I immediately looked at the reverse of Rembrandt's self portraits.

in our art world

A friend wrote " looking forward to hearing abut what is happening in your art world". I love that. Everyone should have their art world.


In ours:


Let's do it, I am not able to clean in the AM as I am cooking a massive brunch for Ali's 3rd Birthday Party- I will be cleaning sometime this weekend and will definitelly document (especially the Bathroom Scrub). Looking forward to the process.

8/16 AM
Birthday at the farm was a success- We ate the picnic/brunch under a shaded tree and are off for a swim at the lake since it is over 90 degrees. The cleaning process for me will start late afternoon or early tomorrow- thought of you this morning in the early waking hours.
Looking forward to the imagery!

Meaning Cleaning

I think cleaning privately and discussing publicly sounds right.
I'm planning on cleaning my house tomorrow AM; do you want to synchronize time, document, reflect, and share here tomorrow PM?
Thinking about intention and the how not so much the that

Mean Clean

looked up mean in Thesaurus- love all its implications:

denote (v.) denote, signify, indicate, stand for, represent, connote, imply, suggest, insinuate
nasty (adj.) nasty, unkind, shameful, unpleasant
intend (v.) intend, propose, aim, want, wish, have in mind, be thinking about

I want to Mean Clean with you and connect remotely to your process with Hayley. As I was cleaning the house today, as I do every week, I noticed my joy in this process. It is not my initial gut response but it does full fill a great need as I am doing it.

Not yet sure how to make this public- as I am alone here and not many get to enjoy it before and after- so I am asking for input as to how you think I could take this to the public. I'm thinking of sound- although I am not sure if this would be too subtle.

In any case let me know if you would like to set up time where we both clean our spaces together privately and then perhaps discuss it here publicly.

Collaborations, Dialogue, Self Portraits, Swolen Thyroid

How- it is all in this- How to be?



I'm thinking of dialogue as my art. I've started a portrait project where I ask others to take my photo and hope to present them as my self-portraits. I want to see myself without the history I know when I look at every pore. The woman at the supermarket who is helpful being in the service industry, was my first interaction. She was excited by the project and told me of her son's girlfriend who does performance, something to do with a woman's moon cycle. Today my doctor took my image right after she told me I have a swollen thyroid.

How not that

Still finding "how" to say things, not worried anymore that I am saying them.
It's frustratingly difficult to communicate sometimes when emotions are involved.
I try to consider the How, but often lose my breath or become frustrated because what I'm saying is not what I want to say in the way I want to say it.
Sometimes I want the people I'm speaking to to magically read my thoughts so I don't have to say anything at all!
Growing pains with friends...

more weather

It's raining today in New York.
Construction next door began again this morning at 7AM.
Without window treatments, I get up at 6:30 anyway.
But progress!
Turu's birthday was yesterday and we had some prosecco.
Today we're going to a quarry to pick out marble slabs.
I resolved an issue with my Scarlet Letter piece; this afternoon production begins!
The Wack! show is definitely worth getting Ali's passport in order for.
The day continues, in our own version of mist and rain

Settling in

We flew in this afternoon.

There was a sense of peace as we flew over the land and tributaries of Seattle landscape.
I also noticed the mist that much of this land is in most of the time; the reason for the continuous greenery.

I do feel VERY good coming home. We immediately grabbed some carrots and tomatoes out of the garden! After a nice bath, I am ready to dig in to this new semester- here goes the list:

start the process for filling out Ali's passport (we are going to see WACK! when it comes to Vancouver this fall.
fill out Ali's paperwork for school starting end of the month
order books from library- The Power of Feminist Art
organize my immediate surroundings to include this revised practice
unpack
get groceries
swim in the lake or pool on the nice days

thinking of having others take a portrait of me every day
not at all sure what my studio work will look like
also thinking of making some type of flag- composed of female dresses

will post images as soon as I get them from Vermont

Thought forms

Thinking about:
The upcoming MeaningCleaning performance in NYC in October
Of our last conversation about work, environment (both internal and external)
Colonial structures as art institutions (What does that support?)
Sending thoughts to loved ones and the infirm
How my building project has taught me the value of following through with an idea, intention, and creativity
Planting a garden
Making work
Working hard and maintaining enthusiasm of art in my whole entire life
Posting work on this blog!

Being SPECIFIC

There is so much to say, be at this moment.

What is it that I really need to voice?

I feel like I should not judge, like it is bad
I sensor my writing, and at times my thinking
I sensor my feelings- although they are present with me anyway
It's hard to listen from this baggage.
I box myself in more than a building does.
Air is everywhere. (not sure about good quality air but air none the less.)

Will fly my dress at half mass off of the flagpole
will dialogue in whatever form with others (with you through this medium.)
Getting excited about being lost.
want to fly.
want to readjust, brake, blur my boundaries.
first I have to see clearly what they are

Should or be in the present

Technically speaking I should be on a KLM flight to Italy right now, en route to "drawing is everything and everything is drawing?" course in Tuscany.

Instead, I'm in Brooklyn, NY, fresh from the bar and sitting with very mixed emotions.

I find myself so much more full of self doubt when I'm in New York than when I'm in any other part of the world.
I miss seeing the world laterally.
I don't like all these tall buildings!

Is New York really just about selling one's work and not making one's work?
I miss the countryside so much...

Architects for Humanity

Settling in...unsettling

I'm trying to ground myself in the experience.

There are other things pulling me in various directions, --There is some work up now from all students (in various years in the program.) In itself the theory behind the graduate program has less of an institutionalized mentality although the feel, space and architecture all speaks of colonial america, but the stress is on practice and process. What is missing for me is a quality to that process and the practice of that.

Makes me want to research quality- roots. Also what it means- is it a expression of a higher consciousness? is it an concept originated from the mind of a 'master' and the connotations to that?

Seeing lots of slides- not many that i am excited by- hoping the faculty lectures will generate more. My camera is in disarray and unfortunately I am not able to document for now. I will have some audio! We'll see what comes.

First full Residency Day, some wasted moments

Meetings-
paperwork, lots
charts
names
dates and times

hung work (Moments with transfers coming off, plus a pedestal lying down adjacent to the wall and transfers come off onto that as well)

can't but compare the experience to workshops- and what I miss about them. this although similar in format, small intimate group- is so different:

The intention, 'how' is there but the implementation of it is not followed through to the depth that I am use to -

We are so spoiled in the education we have had and now I expect that when I enter a space with a 'teacher'.

(will keep reflecting as the process unfolds.)

Montpelier is lovely- you should come up when you get a chance, I am here until the 3rd.

I'll also be in the air coming back from the west coast to NYC.
Come and visit when you are in Vermont...or can you have visitors at the Residency?
I'd love to be out of the city as much as possible for the next ... I mean forever.
Let me know,
fly safe,
A

'thinking BIG' or broader perspective, and Microscosmos

is kind of what is wrong with this consumer culture. Is it not? The last conversation I read from Gablik's "Conversations before the end of time" was about the way we cannot continue with the way industrial society's mind set and the consumption that goes with it.

In suburbia here every park we go visit has a parking lot full of vans. (Of course mother's need space- but really how mush space? How much stuff can one really take along to the playground?) And as we walk bigger and even BIGGER buildings are being built to sustain the bigger and ever growing MICROSOFT. The growth cannot be forever exponential. The curve swings the other way naturally. But I do feel like we have to live each moment conscientiously for every act, thought leads to something. What is that 'something' that we really want?

Let me know more about what they wanted from Meaning, Cleaning. I am participating in two small works shows; scraps are off to Toronto while the eggs are being shipped to New Jersey. Now to pack up the family and work for my first residency in Vermont- we will be in the air this Wednesday! I will try to record, reflect on the experience here. Off to read "Playing and Reality" by Winnicott.

And it's really one simple thing that one works on one's whole life.
Only one.

Reject/accept

I reject the notion of my last post "angry for no reason".
I know what the source of my anger is, and have decided to move it on, to transform it.

I didn't study all these years to give up on emotional outbursts now.
I didn't go to Cape Town and have major breakthroughs to not communicate clearly and responsibly now.

I received a follow up call for our Meaning Cleaning proposal from the curator at AIOP, who recommended "thinking BIG" for our performances in October.

I finally called my collab partner back and took things one step further.
I spoke about participation and putting one's energy into one's work, and bringing magic back into my life (in a real way).

I feel like I'm back.
I'm not "angry for no reason"...and I'm choosing to move that energy forward and transform it into something positive and meaningful.

angry for no reason.

scraps escaping

The Futility of Thinking One Is Ever In Control

Sunday

I spent the weekend in San Francisco, which was quite nice.

Yesterday I found out that my collaborative proposal with Hayley Severns (MeaningCleaning) got accepted by Art In Odd Places for their Pedestrian exhibition in the Meatpacking district in NYC this October.

Details to follow, but it was gratifying that our proposal was among the ones chosen for this year's exhibition.

I walked around a lot too, and marveled at the city's beauty. It also struck me how the place looked exactly the same since I last visited:

the same shops are still around (a welcome change from the seemingly constant flux of "newness" back home);
the same people with dogs are still on Haight street asking for change;
the buildings are still clean;
the city still doesn't have billboards anywhere or massively tall buildings anywhere except for downtown;
one can still have an affordable lunch in a restaurant;
one can still see the sky;
one still can't turn left on Market street (anywhere!);
there are still vintage cars everywhere;
there are still drum circles everywhere;
there are 7 million fewer people in San Francisco than there are in New York City.

The lack of population was my biggest refreshment.
The lack of a constant police presence was my second.

We went to a local art opening in the Mission last night. The work was mediocre, but the scene was pretty positive. We sat outside and flirted with people a they streamed in and out.

Today we did some work in the morning, and then went to a flea market on Alemany; I bought some old photographs of men in "pudica" reposes from the 1940's, and one of a young jockey on a bucking horse (rider is androgynous).
It was windy.
I also bought a journal and resin from an art store on Van Ness.

The rest of the day was spent in Golden Gate park enjoying an atypically sunny and warm day. It was pretty perfect. I felt happy and content, but also admittedly a little anxious for no reason.

We drove back to Sonoma this evening, feeling overwhelmed by "the big city" and yet not quite belonging to this countryside either. This in-between space is new, and I find myself comfortable in it. We just went out to eat. I'll finish this to get back to The Scarlet Letter before I intervene on it tomorrow and cut it all up.

Friday

scarlet letter
heart palpations
waiting for others
breathing and then not breathing
made up problems
art history
the weekend
spec of dust in the universe
the 4th dimension
am I dyslexic?
way too caffinated

I found two copies of The Scarlett Letter today at a thrift store in Petaluma on the way back from a lovely drive from Tomales.
I can't wait to start my intervention on it in the morning.
Heading down to SF tomorrow and I don't know what to expect.
Maybe galleries, maybe museums, maybe adventure.

I just came back from a Rauschenberg and Johns show right here in Sonoma. Who knew this quaint little town could host such a great show? It was such a nice relief. The Sonoma Valley Museum of Art used to be a furniture store, and the town converted it into a museum. I'm so glad it's not the other way around.

I wish I thought of this...I love it.

Absorbed in thoughts

clean the studio, house, mind
need to get out of my own mental structure
received a suggestion to juice- automatically my mind went to the waste of fibers left over, but is it perhaps the way to be- if we drank just the nectar of things? would the body be left to work on other things rather than digestion? what would those possibilities be?
eating more veggies but still eating everything else as well

finishing work in order to move it out of my space- clear clutter
eggs off to New Jersey
scraps to Toronto


grad prep
financial aid-trying to live without/as low as possible loan- wish to finance tuition through grants
need to finish, books work, pack

with Alenka lots of bicycle rides to the park and lake trying not to get wrapped up in 'educating' her- trying more for experiencing life with her she is off to 'school' in September- fears and anticipation of the event (as well as excitement)

studio time

Interesting what "studio time" can mean now that I've given up the space I used to call by the name "studio".

I'm interested in picking up where I left off; the ideas are still so fresh in my mind from years ago, months ago, I'm curious to make all the things I've had on pause for the last two years.

yay!

another list

Salt, as corrosive and preservative (conceptual material)
women's work
the hand held
the hand made
bridal/bridle
etymology of Pudica
peeling back the layers
breathing room
social justice
beauty
intervention

Hope for the Flowers

A favorite book, re-found and bought for fifty cents yesterday at a thrift store in town.

yay.

another path

It's been calming to be in the countryside these last two weeks.
I feel like myself again, but in a new way; the spiral has come around, but now I'm above the last point relating to it from a new perspective.



I am in a place to really think about the next few years of my life, and thankfully am in a position to choose where I want to live...and more importantly how I want to live.



I feel as connected to a coastal town with 99 families as I do to a major metropolis with 8 million families. I guess I always did.

I also know it's easy to fall in love with a location that is the complete opposite of one's chosen locale, especially when work, paying bills, and the multiple tasks of life aren't in the picture.

But why couldn't this be a new picture?
Why couldn't I make my art and life here?
Why should any separation continue?
Why is there any separation at all?
It's beginning to rapidly dissolve...

salt

Salt is a corrosive
Salt is a preservative

What thoughts and ideas are also both?
What mental structures have we inherited that both corrode new ways of relating to the world, and have been preserved over time?