dis place

Dis - place
Re - place

I may have to displace myself from my new home in order to be able to afford it.
This rare opportunity presented itself within hours of finding out our other lovely apartment is not going to be rented as expected by November 1.
The length of time between life-changing decisions has exponentially decreased in the past week and a half.

We can see this as a way to see the world and live like the gypsies we often admire.
We can also see this as a huge failure.
I vacillate between the two extremes, and am trying to honor the present moment.

But to be honest, I'm scared.

I'm scared to be so in over my head.
With each passing day I feel like I'm getting pulled down by the undertow just a little bit more.
I've never been in debt in my life, and now I'm drowning in it. How did this happen in just 2 years?

We built a gem of a building, and are offering it during the worst economic crisis in US history.
Large, poorly built, "luxury" condos are fully rented and doing fine, but our well-built, ecologically designed unique space not only is empty, but we just reduced the price!!

Our dreams of selling it have been put on hold by the city's slow "acceptance" plan.
I thought we would be living on an easier street.
I am feeling very alone, and very depressed.
My frustrations with this city's systems are at an all-time high.
Nothing seems to work, no one takes responsibility, there isn't any accountability, and everyone has their hand out to get paid.

I don't know how much more up the mountain I can keep pushing this rock!
This calls into question so much.
But yet I still strive to succeed with grace and dignity.
I know I can "handle" this, but it's been test after test after test after test after test.
When will things actually work out for me? For us?