I apologize for not following through on responding to the conversations about Tapies and Twombly, although both artists move me to thinking in non-linear ways.
I see my current actions as antithetical to my desired art practice.
I know Mercury is in retrograde, but does that really explain how I feel like I'm standing in quicksand with weights on my feet?
I love the prospect of what I am doing, but the reality of the every day is disheartening.
I feel I am engulfed by a city that doesn't care, that lacks accountability, and is mean spirited.
I woke up this morning feeling defeated.
I dreamt about work, about crumbling structures and people disregarding me.
The one thing I did was a Meaning Cleaning in my own new home. It was sad for me to bear witness to such a lack of care of one's surroundings, that when we moved some of our things into the place, I stayed and swept and vacuumed. The floors and slate came to life under me. It was the first time I felt connected to my future home.
We are off track. We're late with our deadlines, which is costing us a ton of money.
I am in the process of applying to residencies in California and upstate New York, but lose motivation and doubt myself when I have mornings like this morning.
And today in New York another crane collapsed uptown, killing at least two people. We are building too fast, too much, and without care. I feel depressed at our choices.
But I have faith that what I am doing is worthwhile. I believe in this communication, writing to you and keeping things current.
I try to follow my own advise.
Send some good thoughts my way; I feel like I'm drowning.
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