Focus

It seems that when I return to New York, I often find myself unable to focus.
I tend to get absorbed into another frequency, over-obligate myself, and make choices that put me at odds with who I am and what I'm doing. I feel compromised, pulled in too many directions.
I make the choices that erect barricades around me; the calm and quiet I choose in other locations seems to dissipate when I am here.
And I realize I'm the one making the choices!
Even though the best museums in the world are here, and there are many shows that are inspiring and wonderful, I often find myself drained and forlorn at the end of the day. I am tired when I am here.

I would like to remind myself that I have a goal when I am here, and am working towards it.
I can't forget I still have a lot of investigation and work to do with my morse code pieces, paintings, and drawings.
I can't forget that I'm always an artist, regardless of external environment.

We rented our apartment and are preparing it for our next guests, starting next Thursday.
We have to pack up all our things and put them into storage.
We have to find another home.

I have a lot of debts to pay and some people to support.
Thankfully we don't have a family yet, or else this would be a lot more difficult.
I try to see the softness in each situation.

My father is recovering from pneumonia, finally.

We built the wall yesterday, and today we are installing the glass door.
Then the project will be complete.
I can prime and paint and begin to pack.
With grace and compassion for myself and for others.

xo