the big trip up

I tripped myself up

In the last year I have slowly and painfully painted myself into a corner and was ignoring the GOLD that is my life.

My life is messy!

Most of the time, I am not neat

I never feel like I can keep anything together

I am winging it as a parent.

I have no real idea of what I'm doing, what my "goals" are..I'm just trying to provide for my kid and connect with my art.

I hate doing dishes

I don't like making dinner all the time

My house is in a constant state of disarray.

We're always almost running out of money

We're always almost running out of gas.

Cars are always almost breaking down.

The house is leaky, and there's always laundry to be done.

 I don't like eating three square meals a day.

I'm angry so much of the time.

I feel isolated and alone.

Why fight it, and think I have to present another side of myself?

Why admire the polish and ignore the mess?

It's my trap, my pattern from before! Whereas before I would have wallowed in feeling sorry for myself, but now I see it as such an amazing opportunity to change.

I get to change

I get to work differently

I get to acknowledge this constipation and work with it.

Everything is information.

I am going back to the exercises

One breathe gestures

Domestic Objections

Painting a lemon can change one's whole life.

(and painting a lemon is quite difficult at first!)

Everything is information.

Someone suggested I paint loose, sloppy porno images

I wanted to paint as an alter ego - sloppy, messy. 

I'm finding a balance.

This started a long time ago but I am here now.

This is my life.

This is my life.

This is my life.

I'm kind of exhausted of holding myself apart from people

The door just opened, I'm letting everyone in.

hand held hand made

the hand held
hand made
hand to mouth
caught red-handed
hand-me-downs
manhandled
hand in hand
handle with care
heavy handed
handed off
my hands are tied
hand over fist
hand it over
from hand to heart
taking a handout

some old some new

Artists Statements

I found my journal from "Just Painting" today, and happened upon the phrase "listen with your eyes".
I wrote it down on another piece of paper, and carried it with me all day.

From lunch until after dinner I have been working on a grant application, and just now looked to the internet for help on artists statements.

I found this site, with the words "Listening with your eyes" on the first page.
!!!

I thought of you xo

http://artiststatements.wordpress.com/

Penis Gauze Flowers

Sketches for Emmanuel College Art Residency

Letting go, Washing away

Clay and ink on plate, 2012

Grandmother's Favorite Proverbs

The one who asks for too much, 

lacks as much in himself -Horatius

Go to a friend in need,

even at midnight -Czech proverb

Love me a little,

love me for a long time -English proverb

Optimism is heat -London

Beauty fades,

stupidity is forever -Nestroy

The world is a beautiful book,

but that does not matter,

to the one who does not know how to read -Goldoni

Life is a joke. I have always thought so,

now I know it -Gay

If you love a wife, 

sometimes leave her -Malayan proverb

The happiest one,

is he who wants least -Buddha

The more I get to know people,

The more I love dogs -English proverb

Believe everyone and don't trust anyone -Italian proverb

New day, new month, new year, new epoch, new life

Or so it seems. 

Thinking about timelessness,

duplicity

a life lived before

a new one beginning.

Carving the portraits of my great-grandparents, I ask,

was I my great-grandfather, the artist, who told fantastic tales

to his children, or was I his wife who bore four children?

to a father (once removed)

A lovely show, OTEC, asks participant to write a letter to one's father,
describing feelings and anything one wants to express.
The letter is confidential and may not reach it's source.
The process is poignant.

I wrote to my grandfather as I witnessed his transformation the last month of his life.  

Painting and Grouping

suspended images in water (notes on pg.4&5)

touch is where thoughts are formed

you can't speak for anything else

no such thing as the world- your world,

loose and shifting- play with it

still there unscrew all those things

wealth of material

how slowly ideas get formed and content coming in blames part of the present

new model, thought differently all along

everything is in the air

country or city with nature

arguing- choice of direction

how you were going to participate or not

20th century- specialization

cross discipline/ cross species

roots of science > art

rewrite fundamental discourse as one discourse- correlation between art and science

world is an illusion

deconstruction as a process- (Homi Bhabha) 

shifting material- fluid, solid and fluid again

(resin, wax) water, melt an ice cube in the form of a face

let melt into a pool and recycle into another

face picks up dist and dirt along the way

show video recording of process